wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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