**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
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Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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