well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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