Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
