Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
