No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
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being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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