I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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