nut hugger
even my farts smell like vagina
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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