She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
