the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
