My cat gives me a boner
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
