She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
