There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
