I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
