the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
