Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
