I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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