the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
