if only i could text you this smell
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
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We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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