Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
pop tarts are not kleenex
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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