Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
