My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
