guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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