never play flip cup with pint glasses
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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