if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
