shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
