I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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