What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
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Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize