Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
