I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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