I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
