Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm both gender and math confused
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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