I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.