just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
