ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
