u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize