he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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