dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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