shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
