I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
