paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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