i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize