i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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