WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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