Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
