His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
