he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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