all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT