im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌