Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum