Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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