Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
