Just cropdusted the office
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
