maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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