Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
