something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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