The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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