She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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