tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
