um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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