i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
