I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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