She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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