You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
